


Contradictions

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Introspection, M/M, Stream of Consciousness, i feel... weird, probably doesn't make sense, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 09:52:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12166554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: Gon isn't the person he used to be.





	Contradictions

**Author's Note:**

> It's five am I haven't slept and there's a pit in my stomach

Gons hair was off. Gons everything was off. It wasn't the right length. Nothing was right. He wasn't right. Everything was colorless.

 

.

 

He doesnt know when it started, really, when he was doomed. Maybe it was when he saw his face, first looked into his blue eyes.

Or maybe it was before they met, maybe it was his dads fault. Probably. 

Maybe it was gons fault.

He wasn't sure it mattered.

 

.

 

Sometimes, gon felt weird. Sometimes, gon

Hated.

he hated alluka for taking killua away, he hated killua for leaving, he hated kite for dying, he hated everything. He hated nothing.

Most of all he hated himself.

 

.

 

He remembers when they were trying to figure out what happened to the ant king. No one else was in the room, so the only one who could have hurt him was himself, they spectulated.

"When would you hurt yourself?"

"When I couldn't forgive myself."

After that everyone is silent.

 

.

 

Looking at killua makes him want to scream.

 

.

 

He is painfully nostalgic, sometimes. Remembering when he would smile with everyone, innocent to the full extend of the world, and it's cruelty. He wants to laugh at past him. It's awfully naive. He hasn't changed a bit.

 

.

 

He wants to cry. He doesn't.

 

.

 

Killua was beautiful, back then, when he smiled. There's a pit in his stomach when he thinks about it. Everything is weird. Everything is wrong. 

 

. 

 

When he closes his eyes he hears their screams.

 

.

 

Gon isn't who he used to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone else feeling bad in this chillis tonight?


End file.
